


Let’s Have Intercourse

by i_go_to_the_zoo



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/F, I think everyone is in agreement that Valencia is a lesbian?, Valencia's POV, mentions of Heather/Hector, mentions of Josh Chan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 13:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12818460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_go_to_the_zoo/pseuds/i_go_to_the_zoo
Summary: Valencia won't be back to normal until she sees what Heather's nipples look like.Takes place after 3x06.





	Let’s Have Intercourse

“I want to have sex with you,” Valencia says, breaking a comfortable silence.

Heather looks up from her laptop, her eyes drifting over to Valencia. The pair are sitting in Heather and Rebecca’s living room. Although Rebecca has been in therapy for almost a month now, Valencia still insists on sleeping over two or three nights each week (with her nail clippers left securely in her car) just in case something happens. Rebecca went to bed about an hour ago, leaving Valencia and Heather to themselves.

Heather spent the hour researching potential careers via Google (“life coach average salary”, “mime job openings near West Covina”, “best careers for aimless cynics”).

Meanwhile, Valencia spent the hour trying to figure out how to stop being weirdly attracted to Heather. It all started a few months ago, when Heather was wearing a particularly short pair of shorts and Valencia felt a sudden need to know what it would be like to run her hands up her friend’s freakishly long legs. The feelings escalated slowly at first, but now Valencia can barely handle looking at Heather (who is currently focused on her laptop, biting her lower lip in concentration) without picturing her naked. This strange fixation has to stop, of course, for the good of the girl group and Valencia’s mental health, and the solution is clear. The best way to way to get a song out of your head is to listen to it, right?

Heather tilts her head. “Excuse me, what?”

“I think we should have sex,” Valencia clarifies.

Heather purses her lips, then opens her mouth to respond, then closes it.

“Yeah, I know,” Valencia says. “I don’t know what happened. Maybe all of this mental health stuff with Rebecca made me think about my own issues? I don’t know, but for some reason, you’re on the top of my to-do list now.”

Heather squints and Valencia can practically see the gears in the recent graduate’s brain working. “Okay, first of all,” Heather starts. “One of your ‘issues’ is exploring your sexuality? Because I _totally_ called that one.”

“Well, no. My issue is that I’m bizarrely attracted to you at the moment and it’s throwing off our squad.” Valencia furrows her eyebrows. “And it’s not _exploring my sexuality_ , it’s just you. Because, I mean, I’m _obviously_ straight. I like makeup and wearing heels.”

Heather nods. “Oh, yeah, you obviously can’t be attracted to women then.”

“Exactly. It’s just a weird… _fixation_ I’m having right now and once we do it, I’ll be like ‘well, that’s what that was like’ and then I’ll go back to having sex with guys.”

Heather nods again. “Great, yeah, so let’s recap,” she says. “You want to have sex with me, you’re totally straight, and… you expect me to cheat on Hector?”

Valencia laughs. “It’s not cheating if it’s with another woman.” When Heather doesn’t join in, Valencia stops laughing. “Oh, that counts as cheating?”

“Yeah.”

Valencia’s heart sinks for a moment at the thought of never seeing Heather naked, but then she reaches for her phone. “It’s not cheating if he’s okay with it though, right?” She sends Hector a to-the-point text message ( _I’m going to have sex with your girlfriend tonight. that ok with you? thx bitch_ ), crosses her legs, and waits impatiently.

“Did you seriously just-” Heather is cut off by the _buzz_ of Valencia’s phone.

Valencia reads the text message and grins. “Great. Hector’s cool with it, I want to do it and, I mean, obviously you want to, too. So… should we move this to your bedroom?”

“Woah, hold on. What makes you think that I want to have sex with you?”

Valencia rolls her eyes. “Everyone wants to have sex with me.”

Heather takes a moment to consider Valencia, her eyes scanning the other woman’s body. This attention gives Valencia an uncomfortable, warm, twisting feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Yeah, I guess I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to get into your yoga pants,” Heather says with a shrug. “But I still kind of feel bad, like, I would be cheating on Hector.”

“Don’t think of it as cheating on Hector. Think of it as doing me a favor,” Valencia says. Sounding a little more pleading than she would like to, she adds, “Please. I won't be back to normal until...” _I see what your nipples look like_ , she thinks, glancing at Heather’s clothed chest. “Until we do this,” Valencia says.

There’s a long silence after this and Valencia thinks she’s about to be sexually rejected for the first time in her life. In defense, she immediately starts to think of ways to play off the entire conversation as a joke (she _has_ gotten pretty good at humor lately). Or maybe she could pretend the conversation never happened? No, Heather’s too smart for gaslighting. (That was one good thing about Josh. He would believe anything.) _Maybe I’ll just tell her that I’m really high right now_ , she thinks. That might work. She _is_ a little high right now, actually.

Lost in thought, Valencia is caught off guard by the feeling of Heather cupping her face, straddling her, and planting their lips together.

Valencia has never felt her brain short-circuit like this before. Her body seems to act independently from her mind – she stiffens, then relaxes into the kiss. She feels her hands slide up long, smooth thighs until they meet the fabric of Heather’s jean shorts. Valencia’s fingertips sneak under the fabric for a moment before her hands move on to the exposed skin between Heather’s shirt and shorts. _Heather’s abs could use some conditioning_ , Valencia notes. She starts to think of some good yoga poses for abdominal strength, but she can’t dwell on this thought for long because suddenly all she can think about is the feeling of Heather’s lips on her neck.

Valencia’s hands start to move farther up under Heather’s shirt, before Heather pulls away. “Let’s go to my room,” the younger woman says, slightly breathless.

Heather gets up and Valencia sits, dazed, on the sofa for a moment before jumping up and following her to her bedroom. As soon as they make it to Heather’s room, Valencia pushes Heather against the door and stands on her toes to resume kissing. The pair stumble into the room, never detaching from each other, until the back of Heather’s knees meet the edge of her bed and she’s forced to sit. Valencia takes the opportunity to strip Heather’s shirt off and immediately remove her bra as well.

Heather chuckles. “That was fast.”

The room is too dark to really see anything, so Valencia reaches for the nightstand and switches on the light. Valencia turns back to the bed to see Heather sitting there, unabashedly naked from the waist up. Heather’s nipples look a lot like her own, just a bit darker. Pretty straightforward nipples. Still, something about the sight of Heather sitting half-naked on her bed makes Valencia’s whole body heat up.

“I’m really hot,” she says. “Like, very warm.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a physiological response to being aroused, so.” Heather gently tugs at the bottom of Valencia’s blouse. “Do you want me to take this off you?”

Valencia nods and a second later her top is tossed across the room.

“I’m going to start making out with you again,” Heather states, before glancing at her lamp. She reaches over to turn the light off, but Valencia stops her.

“Leave it on. I want to see you naked.”

“Uh huh, cool,” Heather says, pulling Valencia onto her lap.

Heather trails kisses from Valencia’s lips to her neck and back to her lips and her hands slide from Valencia’s waist to her ass. Meanwhile, Valencia’s hands make their way up Heather’s torso to her breasts. They’re a little smaller than her own, but Valencia doesn’t think that’s a bad thing as she cups them in a perfect handful. She tests out squeezing them, then tests out brushing her thumbs over the hardened nipples.

Heather pulls away slightly. “Having fun?”

Valencia is too preoccupied to reply. It turns out that seeing what Heather’s nipples look like wasn’t enough – she has a sudden urge to know what they taste like too. She trails kisses down Heather’s chest before finding her target and sucking. Heather lets out a small moan.

“You’re weirdly good at that.”

Valencia smirks, kissing and nipping her way to the other side of Heather’s chest. She takes some time to savor the noises she elicits from Heather, before pulling away. She stares at Heather for a moment and feels something… urgent.

“Scoot up and lay down,” Valencia orders.

Heather licks her lips subconsciously and there’s a look of lust in her dark eyes. “Yeah, okay,” she says, scooting up farther onto the bed and laying down, as requested. Valencia immediately unbuttons and unzips Heather’s shorts and unceremoniously pulls them off along with her underwear.

There. Heather’s naked. Next step is intercourse, then Valencia can go back to normal.

“Hey, wait. This isn’t fair,” Heather says, as she sits up and reaches for Valencia’s back, unhooking her bra and getting it out of the way. “That’s a little better,” she says, her fingers working on Valencia’s zipper next.

“Great, yeah,” Valencia breathes. “Now let’s stop wasting time and super quickly just have sex. Okay?”

* * *

“ _You do, you don’t wanna be crazy…_ ” Rebecca sings softly to herself in the bathroom. The song has really grown on her since the first time she heard it.

She frowns when her phone dies mid-music video. “Damn.”

Rebecca pulls out her earphones and pockets them before flushing. She turns the faucet on to wash her hands, but turns it back off when she hears something. She pauses to listen… nothing. _Must’ve been my imagination_ , she thinks. She washes her hands and, as she’s drying them, she hears the sound again.

_Do coyotes sound like that? Are there coyotes in West Covina? Should I have Heather get her axe? Just to scare them off, of course, not in an animal-murdering kind of way_ , Rebecca thinks. _Or maybe it’s a ghost? Not that I_   _generally believe in ghosts, but Valencia is always talking about how ghosts love her and this is a famous murder house, so it would make sense for ghosts to haunt us._

Rebecca exits the bathroom, with a plan to wake Valencia up to see if she has any anti-ghost sage, but Valencia isn’t asleep in the living room (she must’ve gone home) and… _Heather’s bedroom light is on?_ Rebecca approaches the door and is about to knock when she hears the noise again.

_Oh._

Rebecca has unfortunately heard sex through a closed door enough times to recognize the sounds. She doesn’t remember Hector coming over, but Heather is the coolest person she’s ever met, so maybe they’re in a totally cool and chill open relationship. With her curiosity peaked, Rebecca presses her ear against the door. Moaning, sex noises, creaking bed springs, more sex noises, a female voice. _Is that Heather’s voice?_ No.

Rebecca cocks her head and walks over to the window. Valencia’s car is still in the driveway. Valencia is not in the living room. Sex noises are coming from Heather's room. A moment passes as Rebecca does the math.

“Ohhh.”

* * *

The next morning, Valencia wakes up with a smile on her face. The room is glowing warmly with the rays of the early-morning sun and Valencia feels wonderful. Still half-asleep, she rolls onto her side and wraps her arms around the warm body beside her. The warm, soft, naked body beside her…

_Fuck_.

Valencia’s smile turns into a frown and she detaches herself from her friend. She recalls the events of the past night while staring at the ceiling. It was a nice night. She flashes back to the feeling of Heather’s mouth traveling down her body and then up her thighs. It was a _very_ nice night. Prior to last night, Valencia was convinced that she couldn’t orgasm during sex, but then Heather managed to make her orgasm multiple times in a row (and, _damn_ , she almost came again just from the sound of Heather moaning in her ear and the feeling of Heather wrapped tightly around her fingers). Is Heather some sort of sex god? Maybe. _Am I still attracted to Heather?_ Definitely.

That’s not how this was supposed to work.

The thing is, Valencia never really considered the possibility that sex with Heather might not cure whatever weird feelings she was having for her friend. Valencia’s mind races with questions. What does it mean that she’s still attracted to Heather? What does it mean that last night was the best sex she’s ever had? Does this mean she’s gay? _No, definitely not. I’m way too pretty to be a lesbian._ Could she be bisexual? Bisexuality is on trend this season. She could be bisexual. She was in a decade-long relationship with Josh Chan, after all, that should earn her heterosexuality points. At some point, she was in love with Josh... _or was I in love with the idea of Josh_?

“Fuck,” Valencia inadvertently says out loud.

Heather groans and rolls over, her eyes blinking open slowly. “How are you awake right now?” she mumbles. “What time is it?” She reaches across the bed for the alarm clock on her nightstand, giving Valencia a close-up view of her breasts in the process. “Oh, god. It’s not even seven.”

As soon as Heather flops back onto her side of the bed, Valencia sits up. “I always get up early,” she says, clutching the blanket up to cover herself while she scans the room for her clothes. She grabs her jeans and panties from the foot of the bed and her bra from the lampshade and starts getting dressed. She spots her top on the floor across the room and gets out of bed to grab it.

Heather sits up and rubs her eyes, letting the blanket pool at her waist. “You’re leaving?”

Valencia keeps her eyes from straying down to Heather’s exposed chest. “Yeah, I have a… thing. I have to go to a yoga thing. Soon. But thanks for doing me that favor,” she says as nonchalantly as she can. 

“Mm, yeah,” Heather responds, sinking back into the bed.

Fully re-clothed, Valencia opens the door and is about to leave when Heather adds, “I’ll be awake in, like, six hours if you want to grab coffee or whatever after your thing.”

“Sure, yeah. Maybe.”

 


End file.
